The train’s axles ground to a halt. Dozens of weary passengers peered into the dark woods. Pine trees towered over the train as steadily falling snow blanketed the tracks.At the back of the dining car, a woman whipped open a laptop. She fumbled with her phone, enabling a hotspot. Running her sleeve over the webcam, the lady wiped away a smudge.“Hello!?” she said. “Can anyone hear me? We need help! I’m on a train. We’re stranded. Please, if you can hear me out there—if the stream is coming in okay—help me. Help all of us. They told us the train is stocked with supplies, but I’m worried it’s going to turn into Lord of the Flies before long.”A man walked by, headed for the restroom. “GET AWAY FROM ME, PIGGY! You see? You see how crazy all of these people are? We’re trapped here on the train. It’s snowing out there. Mechanical problems. I repeat. Problems. Plural. Who knows what sort of chain reaction we’re dealing with? The locomotive might explode for all we know! They’re telling us nothing. We’re in the dark. Well, the lights are on. It’s a figure of speech.“Oh, thank goodness! A viewer. Hello, viewer! I’m trapped out here in the wilderness. This is life or death. Can you hear me okay? Post in the chat if you can hear me okay. I’m on a train in Colorado. I need you to call the authorities. The conductor said they radioed. We all know how much good that did on the Titanic…. Please, get help—real help! I don’t want to scare you by saying this, but our blood will be on your hands if you just sit there and smash another sleeve of Thin Mints!”A woman up the aisle choked on a pretzel, gasping for air. “Do you hear that?” The panicked vlogger held up her laptop. “It’s the carbon monoxide—or, or… an infectious disease! We’re living on borrowed time. If a medical helicopter doesn’t get here stat, we’re all going to die on this train.” She paused to skim the comments. “Sure, I’ll speak up. SHARE THIS VIDEO. SEND REINFORCEMENTS. CANADA! IF ANYONE IN CANADA IS WATCHING THIS, WE’RE NOT TOO FAR AWAY. WE NEED YOU. THE MOUNTIES CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THE SNOW IF THEIR HORSES ARE TALL ENOUGH.”With a slow lurch, the train chugged back to life. The woman’s laptop slipped off her lap, rocketing toward the floor. If her legs hadn’t been stretched out to stave off a blood clot, there would’ve been a costly accident. She leaned toward the webcam and informed her growing audience of two, “Wow, the lighting in here is awful.” She poked at her face. “I look so tired. Oh, and we’ve been rescued! Thanks for your help, Internet.”