Honestly, at this point I’m really bored,As you can imagine, being the hostage is not my number one secret fantasy. Especially when people just leave me tied to a plastic chair for a very long time. Wait, let me stress that. A very. Long. Time.A plastic chair. And she tied me with scotch tape. Scotch tape! Me! At least this time she had the decency of using a regular gag on my mouth. She knows scotch tape irritates my skin horribly. And that with half beard gone I look unreasonably ridiculous.Thing is, I can’t say a word. I can’t scratch my forehead. I can’t even sigh to display how bored I am. So I jump a little bit on the right, chair and all.“Shut up Daniel, we are kind of in the middle of something.”There you have it, the supposed “hero” of the situation. Maya, my former supervisor from police training, wearing her second favourite jeans jacket and her focussed I-am-going-to-kill-you stare. I know very well both items. Her muscular arms are starting to tremble with the effort to keep the jeans-jacket-gun up. But her brow doesn’t falter. She’s a professional badass.I raise my eyebrows to the ceiling. Maya came to the rescue to save me from my third kidnapping of the month. Nobody asked her, of course, because I’m perfectly able to free myself. Most times. A reasonable amount of times. Maybe if I try again to reach the hidden Swiss blade in my belt…“Don’t even think about that, Danny. You know I took your silly toys when you were asleep.”A-ah, Valerie, my sweet, thoughtful kidnapper. She dragged me once again in this underground hole to prove… something? I forget, to be honest, what her evil plans are. Most times she abducts me we end up watching an episode of something on Netflix while she waits for someone to notice I’m missing. Or i free myself. A reasonable amount of times. If I’m not too invested in Sex Education or Brooklyn 99.She’s starting to look a bit tired as well, holding the oversized evil-looking gun with one hand, and using her other arm to keep it up.Having nothing to do other than wishing that B99 was on, I turn my head towards the third vertex of this silly triangle.“Don’t worry, old chap. I’ll get you out of this madness.”Agent Alpha, at your service. All fancy looking with his black suit and perfectly trimmed dirty blond hair. An eyebrow gallantly raised (at this moment I’m suspecting a paresis), the tiny, shiny pocket gun looking even smaller in his manicured fingers. What a dork.Don’t get me wrong. I love Alpha, he’s basically the closest thing I have to a friend, and he always smells fabulous. He’s a living stereotype with the fakest British accent I ever met, and God help me if he ever got a clue of what’s going on.Like now. He finds my front door broken over, he follows the trail to Val secret evil-cave. He finds me, comfortably looking at Jake Peralta being a magnificent tool with Valerie fumbling around her stash of blades. And he finds Maya, silently waiting for the right moment to get up and save the day.And then they choose the exact same moment to come out.So here we are. It could be kind of menacing. It could, if I didn’t see Valerie take the ammunition off her enormous gun 5 minutes before Alpha somersaulted his way in. It could, if I didn’t know for sure that the jacket Maya is wearing has a loose pocket, and she keeps her faulty gun in it, just to threaten people. It could be menacing, if I hadn’t spent more than a couple of evenings looking for tiny bullets online for Alpha ridiculous fancy weapon.I let out a frustrated groan.“I said shut up!”“He’s my prisoner, stop abusing him!”“Ladies, I invite you to stand down and let me free my friend. He’s clearly suffering and he keeps… winking at me?”Oh well. It’s going to be a long evening.—-Edit: minor fixes.